Spread your wings and prepare to fly

"Maiden" by Bibje

"Spread your wings..." by Bibje

In progress....








Had a quiet weekend. The kids were with their dad. I had every opportunity to paint, and so I did! I finnished the "Maiden" and "Spread your wings" and started to paint on another very old painting.
I am re-painting a lot of my older works wich did not sell and which I think are not quite that good.They were a bit bland. Most of that work is on 220/300 grams aquarell paper. They are challenging because they are already painted on. I use these images for the next painting, at least that is what I intent to do. The latest painting I used and painted over and than washed it off again and painted it over...and now it looks sort of familiar but has changed a lot. Mabey I wash it all of again,or part of it, because I am not overly content with it. The beauty is that with all the washing it gets a worn look. I like that. I love the look of worn, faded, old and blurred. And still show the beauty ....

And again I have blurry pictures...I will replace them when I have made new 'non-blurry' ones. But for now, they will do to satisfy the curiosity :-)

and another

Had a productive day today(just before son got one of his angry spells and messed up everything) This is the result of my second painting. This one is also not finished but well on the way.

Isn't she pretty?
(even though she is a bit hazy ;-)

painting in progress

My friend is having her 6th baby and I am so inspired by it that I am painting a pregnant woman. It used to be a watercolour I made when longing for a baby. The baby never came, and the watercolour was not that good altogether. So I am painting it over.

this was the first attempt, already starting to look very pretty...

I have not glued the butterflies on yet but they look lovely don't they? I am so content with it already....

Happy

I am so insecure that I have tought for a long time that I was no good as an artist. The reactions from fellow students were low, the reactions from the teachers were all but encouraging when I grew in my work. Even worse, they became downright insulting. Friends told me that they could do it themselves IF THEY WISHED and fellow artists ,well they don't say all that much and give really low balloting points so I can not be found on the virtuall gallery I expose on. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up....it will never do....I will never sell one piece worth while....nobody is waiting for my work.....it's to simple........What am I thinking of???? Me wanting to be an artist. Get reall.

But then again,
last weekend, when me and my girl painted till late in the evening we had such a nice time. We sang and we chatted and I made these nice paintings at that time. Who cares what other people will say. Times like these are so prescious, because ,when I am painting, I am happy! And that is all that counts.

PS the paintings are a bit hazy because I was so tired I could not keep the camera still ;-)
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Lying awake

Lying awake for the thirth night on a row , I am very tired. I have a lot on my mind lately. With neighbours who are not that happy with us as neighbours, having made complaints with the housing association and a son who becomes very nervous about the whole situation. A daughter who gets rebellious about it and me very sad. I can't help being a mum of a boy who has autism and has many outbursts because of it. Who can't walk like an elfin, and who has a loud voice. Living in a house which appears to be made of cardboard, the neighbours get annoyed and nervous because of all noices. The trouble is , I do understand it all. I understand the irritation and I understand the anger. I do. But I am also angry, for the lack of empathy and understanding. And so I ly awake with churning thoughts.
It's murder for my creative bussiness. Since it kills of the inspiration and leaves me drained. I have to go to meetings, talking things trough. Looking for solutions of the problem. Secretly I am longing for a new place to live. One with very thick walls, like a fort, and a garden so big no one would notice our noices. And no one would care about the state of it, not being excruciatingly neat. But alas....dream on Bibje....

It also made me consider the format of the bussiness I want. What will be wise to do. I discovered that I am no good in time tables, and how much I try to keep up with it, it just wont do. Evertime trouble comes or some other disruption, the whole scheme is in a state of mess. And all the work piles up. It discourages me and I tend to give up. Not permanetly but still...everything is on hold for days, even weeks when things are really bad. So how do I get things working for me even when my mind is distracted.
There I need the help of others.
So that is where RedBubble and sendasmile come in. So I can concentrate on a webshop in a later stadium, when things around my family are smoothed. These companies do the work for me, all I have to do is the designing and the promoting. This is what I will do this week. Learning about how to promote my work in a big way. Any advice is welcome of course, Thank You!!!!

By the way, I have again been featured on RedBubble, TWICE!!!!!
Isn't that awesome?
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Featured!!!!

I have been featured on RedBubble again, with the above painting "Joy"!!! I'm so proud and so honoured.
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Question 1

Following is the very first Question I wil answer.
It's not the first time I am doing this, I remeber writing down my dreams and goals about 5 years back in time. Just before I went back to be a teacher again after a long period of being quenched. I had a coach and she was good. She let me talk and then asked Questions. Most of the time my thoughts got organised because of that. Except on one point. I wanted to be an artist, but being a teacher instead she advised me to keep my painting and writing as a hobby and focus on what I studied for. She was really persistant in that and I gave way to her arguments. I could be creative as a history teacher as well I lied to myself. And of course she would be right in saying that creativity would vanish when it became something I had to do in order to make a living. I had heared that many times before. Eventhough I was not really convinced I went back to teaching.... I still maintained 6 months on the job, then my dad became seriously ill and I got so overwrought I had to stay at home. Nearly a year later my dad died and I made him a promisse to pursue MY dreams. That was 3 years ago.

So here I am, doing just that what I promissed him and above all myself! Asking myself questions on the how's and when's and what's and why's of my dreams.Feeling dizzy all the time because of the many dreams I have and having to narrow them down to a few so I can concentrate on "The Biz" instead of the "What would be my dreamiest dream". Now I don't have to dream anymore, I can start building.

The First Question asks the following:
-In your wildest dreams, what does your creative biz look like? Are you working fulltime? Part time? What does your everyday schedule look like?

In my WILDEST dreams I have a little house-like studio in which I do all my creating, it's light and bright there. Prefferably in a green green flowery garden,where I can walk in and where nature is at its best. I will paint outside in the garden in summer and inside in the winter,where I will have an nice fire burning.I paint the day away, and I will write and make objects, design al sorts of things. Create like I never did before.
I would also give workshops, having High Tea(Thanks Daphne for that lovely idea) or go out on a picknick and paint on a pretty day here in the dunes or on the beach.
My workshedule is something I can't define yet,because of my kids. Being a single mom I have to devide my attention between work and homemaking. I will try a shedule and see what works best. That will be one of my goals for the upcoming month.

This is the dream I am building.I have been astray for a while and thought I wanted something completely different. But in the end I always came back to this......not just in my dreams but also when I was doing research for that other dream. Seems a bit silly right? But then again....when the heart whispers it is not always easy to hear it right the first time.....
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soulsearching

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my creative bussiness and how to make money with it. Reading blogs of other artists who are already succesfull.How they managed it, what they did to get there and how they stayed on track. There are numerous e-courses to follow but they are expensive. Living a compulsory frugal live, I can't afford such things. So I was very happy to discover that Kelly Rea is publishing excerpts of her e-course in her blog.
This week I will dedicate myself to some soulsearching. And the questions from het e-course will lead my way. So stay tuned.....I hope it will be an interesting journey.
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small wonders/kleine wonderen

This time only in English...
I love the idea of making lists like this.(inspired by Louise Gale)

My small wonders of the month were;
-I have been featured twice on RedBubble, first with "Bey Dear" and last week with "The garden of my heart".
-have had some small wonders at healingprayer and feel more liberated than ever
-having lots of inspiring ideas for my new paintings
-designing my webblog and RedBubblesite all over again
-had lots of compliments about my heartpaintings

I don't know how I am going to celebrate this yet

Chalenges were;
-handeling the tempertantrums and grieve of my son who has a form of autism

Themes of the month were;
-finding my selfconfidence in my art again
-keeping the hope up

My intentions and key focus areas;
-launching my 'sendasmile' website
-launching my Etsy
-making at least four mixed-media paintings
-learn how to work with GIMP
-enjoy the sunshine in my backyard and take long walks along the beach
-try to visit my friends I have not seen for a while

This will keep me focussed for the coming month...thanks louise for your inspiring blogpost today!~
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