Where is God

Lying on my sickbed feeling very desolate and lonlely I turned to God. I had so many questions I wanted to be answered. Having heavy storms in my life I asked

WHY GOD?????

I was dissapointed, for all the troubles I underwent.
Where was God in all this?
I did not feel sheltered in Him, I did not feel save. Something was defenitly wrong here.

It took me a lot of thinking you know, to discover why.
When first walking the path of faith I was touched by Him, which left me glowing and sparkling all over. I felt it within! God was the source and I was connected. It felt as naturall as could be.
But since I went to church I got immersed in a whole different idea of God. God was our heavenly father, to whom we go in need. He will provide for us. He is pictured infenitely good but at the same time he is a jealous God whom we have to fear. He also demands total surrender. It kept me worrying and worrying....

What did I do wrong?
"What can you give God?"They ask on the pulpit. Since we have al the things we have from God we are supposed to give one tenth back(to the church),only then blessings will come in.
I have not the means to pay tithes...is this the reason for our misfortune?
"What do you do for God?" Is the other question I hear every week.But what on earth can I do for God who is Spirit? And when I do 'nothing', it can even cost me my life? Like the very sick woman who was asked three times what she did for God and not being able to answer...she died, "there is no messing about with God", the preacher said to us when he mentioned this example.
I do not do anything for God(church?) so is this the reason for all our troubles?

And so I lost my connection with God.....
I did not hear his whispers nor feel his love within me. Cause I did not know who he was anymore.
Luckily I got ill and the fever burned al the wrong views of Him away.
God is the light within me, the source I came from, the love which fills me everyday, the strength that keeps me going. God is the universe, God is the essence of life. He has no form, He has no feelings, He just is. And all He askes of us is to stay pure, peacefull and loving in all we do.
I am so glad I found Him all over again!

Hearts wherever I go

I stumble on hearts wherever I go and whenever I look around. I used to look for them in every blot, stone, shell,tree,crispbag and just this morning I even found one at the bottom of my coockingpan. It realy is a stain from the gasflame but non less pretty. Something must be in the air, it must, for all these hearts have to have a meaning, don't they?

Gods is winking at me.....

love is on its way....

I only have to reach out...

Than it will stay.....

and another

Had a productive day today(just before son got one of his angry spells and messed up everything) This is the result of my second painting. This one is also not finished but well on the way.

Isn't she pretty?
(even though she is a bit hazy ;-)

painting in progress

My friend is having her 6th baby and I am so inspired by it that I am painting a pregnant woman. It used to be a watercolour I made when longing for a baby. The baby never came, and the watercolour was not that good altogether. So I am painting it over.

this was the first attempt, already starting to look very pretty...

I have not glued the butterflies on yet but they look lovely don't they? I am so content with it already....

Lying awake

Lying awake for the thirth night on a row , I am very tired. I have a lot on my mind lately. With neighbours who are not that happy with us as neighbours, having made complaints with the housing association and a son who becomes very nervous about the whole situation. A daughter who gets rebellious about it and me very sad. I can't help being a mum of a boy who has autism and has many outbursts because of it. Who can't walk like an elfin, and who has a loud voice. Living in a house which appears to be made of cardboard, the neighbours get annoyed and nervous because of all noices. The trouble is , I do understand it all. I understand the irritation and I understand the anger. I do. But I am also angry, for the lack of empathy and understanding. And so I ly awake with churning thoughts.
It's murder for my creative bussiness. Since it kills of the inspiration and leaves me drained. I have to go to meetings, talking things trough. Looking for solutions of the problem. Secretly I am longing for a new place to live. One with very thick walls, like a fort, and a garden so big no one would notice our noices. And no one would care about the state of it, not being excruciatingly neat. But alas....dream on Bibje....

It also made me consider the format of the bussiness I want. What will be wise to do. I discovered that I am no good in time tables, and how much I try to keep up with it, it just wont do. Evertime trouble comes or some other disruption, the whole scheme is in a state of mess. And all the work piles up. It discourages me and I tend to give up. Not permanetly but still...everything is on hold for days, even weeks when things are really bad. So how do I get things working for me even when my mind is distracted.
There I need the help of others.
So that is where RedBubble and sendasmile come in. So I can concentrate on a webshop in a later stadium, when things around my family are smoothed. These companies do the work for me, all I have to do is the designing and the promoting. This is what I will do this week. Learning about how to promote my work in a big way. Any advice is welcome of course, Thank You!!!!

By the way, I have again been featured on RedBubble, TWICE!!!!!
Isn't that awesome?
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Featured!!!!

I have been featured on RedBubble again, with the above painting "Joy"!!! I'm so proud and so honoured.
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