Lying awake

Lying awake for the thirth night on a row , I am very tired. I have a lot on my mind lately. With neighbours who are not that happy with us as neighbours, having made complaints with the housing association and a son who becomes very nervous about the whole situation. A daughter who gets rebellious about it and me very sad. I can't help being a mum of a boy who has autism and has many outbursts because of it. Who can't walk like an elfin, and who has a loud voice. Living in a house which appears to be made of cardboard, the neighbours get annoyed and nervous because of all noices. The trouble is , I do understand it all. I understand the irritation and I understand the anger. I do. But I am also angry, for the lack of empathy and understanding. And so I ly awake with churning thoughts.
It's murder for my creative bussiness. Since it kills of the inspiration and leaves me drained. I have to go to meetings, talking things trough. Looking for solutions of the problem. Secretly I am longing for a new place to live. One with very thick walls, like a fort, and a garden so big no one would notice our noices. And no one would care about the state of it, not being excruciatingly neat. But alas....dream on Bibje....

It also made me consider the format of the bussiness I want. What will be wise to do. I discovered that I am no good in time tables, and how much I try to keep up with it, it just wont do. Evertime trouble comes or some other disruption, the whole scheme is in a state of mess. And all the work piles up. It discourages me and I tend to give up. Not permanetly but still...everything is on hold for days, even weeks when things are really bad. So how do I get things working for me even when my mind is distracted.
There I need the help of others.
So that is where RedBubble and sendasmile come in. So I can concentrate on a webshop in a later stadium, when things around my family are smoothed. These companies do the work for me, all I have to do is the designing and the promoting. This is what I will do this week. Learning about how to promote my work in a big way. Any advice is welcome of course, Thank You!!!!

By the way, I have again been featured on RedBubble, TWICE!!!!!
Isn't that awesome?
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Question 1

Following is the very first Question I wil answer.
It's not the first time I am doing this, I remeber writing down my dreams and goals about 5 years back in time. Just before I went back to be a teacher again after a long period of being quenched. I had a coach and she was good. She let me talk and then asked Questions. Most of the time my thoughts got organised because of that. Except on one point. I wanted to be an artist, but being a teacher instead she advised me to keep my painting and writing as a hobby and focus on what I studied for. She was really persistant in that and I gave way to her arguments. I could be creative as a history teacher as well I lied to myself. And of course she would be right in saying that creativity would vanish when it became something I had to do in order to make a living. I had heared that many times before. Eventhough I was not really convinced I went back to teaching.... I still maintained 6 months on the job, then my dad became seriously ill and I got so overwrought I had to stay at home. Nearly a year later my dad died and I made him a promisse to pursue MY dreams. That was 3 years ago.

So here I am, doing just that what I promissed him and above all myself! Asking myself questions on the how's and when's and what's and why's of my dreams.Feeling dizzy all the time because of the many dreams I have and having to narrow them down to a few so I can concentrate on "The Biz" instead of the "What would be my dreamiest dream". Now I don't have to dream anymore, I can start building.

The First Question asks the following:
-In your wildest dreams, what does your creative biz look like? Are you working fulltime? Part time? What does your everyday schedule look like?

In my WILDEST dreams I have a little house-like studio in which I do all my creating, it's light and bright there. Prefferably in a green green flowery garden,where I can walk in and where nature is at its best. I will paint outside in the garden in summer and inside in the winter,where I will have an nice fire burning.I paint the day away, and I will write and make objects, design al sorts of things. Create like I never did before.
I would also give workshops, having High Tea(Thanks Daphne for that lovely idea) or go out on a picknick and paint on a pretty day here in the dunes or on the beach.
My workshedule is something I can't define yet,because of my kids. Being a single mom I have to devide my attention between work and homemaking. I will try a shedule and see what works best. That will be one of my goals for the upcoming month.

This is the dream I am building.I have been astray for a while and thought I wanted something completely different. But in the end I always came back to this......not just in my dreams but also when I was doing research for that other dream. Seems a bit silly right? But then again....when the heart whispers it is not always easy to hear it right the first time.....
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~herinneringsstapeltje~

Wolky

paddestoeltje en vrouwenmantel

herinneringspiraal voor mijn moeder..

tis nu 7 maanden geleden dat ik deze oprichtte, inmiddels is de spiraal helemaal overgroeid door het gras. Alleen het stapeltje staat nog fier rechtop. net als de herinnering.
Ik stelde me voor dat ik dicht bij mijn moeder kon komen als ik die spiraal zou lopen. dat het stapeltje stenen als een altaar was, mijn lijntje naar de hemel. Waar we in de geest samen konden zijn. Waar God de hemelen even zou openen, zodat we elkaar weer konden ontmoeten. Tegenwoordig is ze aanwezig in mijn dromen.....

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It's been 7 months ago when I erected this , the spiral has been overgrown by the grass since then. The pile of stones is still standig boldly upright. Just like the memory.
I imagined that walking the spiral would bring me close to my mother. That the pile of stones was like an altar , my link to heaven. Where we could be together in spirit. Where God would open the heavens for a while, so we could meet. Lately she has been there in my dreams.....

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