Vrede op aarde......

Ik weet gewoon niet meer waar ik over bloggen moet. Er gebeurt genoeg hoor,daar niet van. Maar ja wat schrijf je op als je besluit niet meer in de rot gevoelens te willen gaan zitten?

Het is als roddelen,

je doet het en het is zo gemakkelijk.

Totdat je besluit het niet meer te willen.Wat nog niet wil zegen dat het doen dan automatisch stopt hoor,maar je word je bewust van wat je zegt. Inene merk je dat de gespreksonderwerpen op gaan drogen. Maar ook dat het praten over wat mij werkelijk bezig houdt niet kan met deze mensen. Dus verandert je vriendenkring langzamerhand.
En zo merk je op een dag dat alles anders is....

Vandaag was die dag.
Toen zoon weer eens boos werd ,werd ik stil, gaf ik geen reactie zoals ik zou moeten reageren. Zoals mij aldoor is aangepraat dat ik moet reageren. In plaats daarvan deed ik niets, ik keek en zweeg en was aanwezig in dat moment. Ik was als het water, vloeiend en zacht, maar tegelijk was ik als de rots die niet wankelde.
Zo wil ik altijd zijn,
zo heb ik vrede,
zo kan ik mijn vrede in mijn gezin brengen.

Zoon werd ook stil, keek me aan, stopte met boos zijn en ging over tot de orde van de dag. Maar eerst kreeg ik een dikke zoen en Zus een welgemeende sorry voor het voorgaande. Hij is niet meer boos geweest vandaag. Er was vrede in huis.

small wonders of september

Small wonders
- Very blessed with son's new school who adjusted his lessonplan so he can get used to highschool(he has a form of autism)
- Discovered a sence of peace within wich makes me soft and flexible as a stalk of reed.
- Discovered God within, he is there wherever I am
- Paid of a very big debt which alsmost killed us this last year (so thankfull and proud I made it)
- Thankfull that my neighbours burried the hatchet, even being nice for the kids (Bless you)

Celebrate every day again, in loving myself and my kids as much as I can.....and plan a little party....

chalenges were
- Keeping faith in Gods plan with the authorities who distrust my opinion concerning son
- Stay possitive while friends withdraw without as much as an explanation

themes of the month
getting the right help for son
get enough rest in between al the hassle

my intentions and key focus areas;
- Pray to God that all my wishes will come true.
- Enjoy every minute as if it were the last(I'm keeping this one)
- Learn more about autism so the family coach won't overwhelm me with his ways of discipline children
- Planning a little party for next month to celebrate the first two paid (very big) debts. 4 more (smaller ones) to go
- Keep praying.....
- Hoping I will get to painting again

Vrede en vrijheid

Oktober,
hoe snel gaat de tijd,
het glipt als los zand tussen mijn vingers terwijl ik stil  ben in het moment......

Het is eigenlijk heel erg ontspannen om zo te zijn,
geen doelen na te jagen, aan verwachtingen te voldoen, aan de norm te voldoen....nee gewoon te zijn. Meer niet. Het gras groeit evengoed wel en problemen komen en gaan, maar ik ben nog steeds ik. Niets dat daar aan veranderd. Ik ben goed zoals ik ben en alles is goed zoals het is.
Wat een opluchting en wat een bevrijding.
Het maakt helemaal niet uit wat ik doe, voor niemand hoef ik iets te presteren, ik hoef helemaal niet te slagen, ik hoef helemaal geen succes te zijn. Ik ben al een succes op zich, want ik ben die mooie creatie Gods. Niets kan daar wat aan af doen!

En zo zat ik deze morgen in de kleine zaal van de kerk te bidden en lezen. Alleen, want in de grote zaal stond de rookmachine aan. Maar weet je, het maakte niet uit,
God gaf mij het licht in mijn hart, wat groter straalde dan ik ooit had kunnen vermoeden, toen Hij zij "Vrede laat ik bij jou achter"(Joh14:27)
~

Sweetheart I am here.....

While eating my dinner I came across these hearts...was so extited I took the pictures with my cell phone.

A little potato heart and a piece of cheese, wich looks like a little  heart.

A potato backed just the way it looked like a heart.It's white on the picture because of the flash.

A very small heart wich actually was a crumb of backed potato.And a vague heartisch form next to the white one and one above....

Finally after eating  nearly all my dinner there came the carrots,arranged themselves as a heart....wow, what a message isn't it? It was my  mums birthday today..........

cry me a rainbow

After al this crying of me I found myself a rainbow.Well sort of......

It reminds me of the one time we actually drove through the beginning of a rainbow,when we went to the hospital were my dad lay in a sleep coma. It looked the promise it never was. He went to heaven two months later, but at that time we were all overwhelmed by the glory of it. Its colours so bright, the bow so high, and the road  all alight.
Maby it was a little kiss of God to strengthen us for what was to come.
Mabey it was His way to remind us of the eternal glory wich all awaits us.
Anyways, it overwhelmed me, and I still do remember.
That moment of peace, before the tears came, before the loss was definite, before all things changed.

Now four years later, That moment made all the difference.



small wonders




http://www.tuinsmakelijk.nl/?page_id=8

 
I decided to combine june and july and august for my small wonders contribution.
I was Ill nearly all of june and I slept the month through;-) and then there was the summerhollidays, So that's why!

small wonders:
- I rediscovered and got reconected with God
- found out that doing nothing(being in the sickbed) won't make my world tumble down
- I found courage and wisdom I never thought I had
- learned a very valuable lesson which has set me free
- gained a new friend in the process
- discovered I do matter
- discovered sons courage, who talked about how he felt inside to his father, for the very first time(good for you B)
- was invited for a holliday of two week, which was ever so special since I have never been on a vacation with the kids(bless you A)

I will take a long rest celebrating all this (big grin) with cake and tea of course!

chalenges were
- keeping the faith in me, God, my son and not to let me override by those who do not intend well

themes of the month
- stand firm in all that matters to me

my intentions and key focus areas:
- try to start painting again(haven't done that since my illness)
- stand firm in the dispute with the neighbours and housing asociation
- work in my garden
- Enjoy every minute as if it were the last(I'm keeping this one)
- Pray to God that all my wishes will come true.

That's all....for this new month to come....I will keep it modest

Ow dear

I don't know what it is but I am crying over everthing these days. Songs, pictures, tv programs(the challenge), you name it and I am crying. I remeber me crying this way when I was pregnant. It did not take much to let the tears flow then. But I am not pregnant this time, and yes I am sure about that. Since the Holy Ghost is not impregnating women anymore I am defenitly not pregnant.
But none the less very much crying, very sentimental, very sensitive.
I know I am still mourning,
still missing, and still wishing,
but it feels different. It comes from deep within. Something is freeing itself, breaking loose,transforming.
And while doing that, I am crying my heart out. Letting go of the old dream of finding my soulmate, and have children with him. It will never happen. I have to let go.....accept that it is not for me....that what I have is what I got, and that it is all there is. I am so lucky to have my children. I do have that.....and even that is making me cry....

Anyways,
the new schoolyear will start tomorrow and I am not even prepared,
O my God I will start crying wwwoooooohhhhhh